here. in my head.*

Feb 2, 2009 | life, writing

At the referral of a writer and blogging friend, I bought a book called The Artist’s Way – A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity.

After skimming through the chapter one, I decided to do the first exercise. This particular exercise is ongoing as I continue to write. Called the “Morning Pages,” it’s the process of getting everything in your head out that’s clouding your visions of being creative. The unfolded laundry, the dishes in the sink, work stress, anything like that.

I made myself sit down yesterday afternoon and write some (I know, not the morning, but I made time, at least). I got almost a full page of just nonsense that’s swirling around in my head right now. And it felt good. It didn’t make much sense. Anybody else that read it might be totally confused and offended, as I didn’t censor it, which also felt really. good.

Writing without a filter made me realize that I must have always had some problem with saying what I really think and what I really feel. With certain subjects/topics, I feel ashamed, like I shouldn’t feel that way, whether it’s anger, arousal, jealousy, or what have you. Why I feel like I have to censor even what I write is a really sad thought for me. Not everything in my head is vulgar, but I feel immense guilt for any vulgarity that crept its way in there. I’m a human being, and yes, sometimes I think bad thoughts.

I’ll say it again – I’m human, and sometimes I am vulgar, mean-spirited, and curse like a sailor.

I can’t put into words the kind of excitement that instills in me. Just recognizing that freedom on paper was really a huge hurdle for me to cross.

I’m excited to try and finish the exercises now, and see if it opens any new creative doors.

*lyrics here.