One of my biggest fears right now? Becoming dumbed down. I think I noticed it starting to happen last summer or so. Rarely do I have “a-ha” moments. I wonder if it’s because I’m an “adult” now and I’m supposed to be dramatically less intense, less interesting, less enthusiastic; because that’s what I see.
I come to my office and that’s what I see. I walk outside for lunch and that’s what I see. Businessmen in business suits that probably don’t love what they do, they love the money they get doing it. I don’t want to be like that. I want to believe in the statement “Do what you love and the money will come.” But will it? I mean, really? Could I force myself to love assisting businessmen in business suits?
I’ve had this discussion briefly with a few other people I consider close enough to not rat me out. They’ve identified that feeling I have. The I-don’t-want-my-entire-life-to-be-an-Excel-spreadsheet” feeling. It’s scary.
Is it so wrong that I don’t want to end up settling for a job? Should I suppress the already stifled wild streak I feel because it’s inappropriate? I’ve bought countless books to jumpstart my creativity – about writing, about starting up my own business, about “shaking up my life,” and yet, I read 1/4 of them and pack them back onto a bookshelf. The question is, why?
Admittedly, I feel defeated that nobody reads my blog. Some days it doesn’t bother me, and I read my header up at the top and think, “yeah, so what if I have no readers?” But let’s be honest – I wouldn’t blog if I didn’t want readers. I’d be lying if I said I wouldn’t love a comment onslaught. I wouldn’t dream of being a freelance writer if I didn’t love the idea of people wanting to read what I have to say.
To be thought-provoking would be one of my biggest goals.
And so. Here I am, still stuck on where to start. I want too much and I have no foundation.
It’s not wrong to feel that way. Is it easy to make a living doing something enjoyable? Not really. That’s why most people don’t do it. It can be done, though, and even when it can’t, it’s not a choice between dream-job and cubicle monkey. There is always a middle ground.
I’m going through a similar situation, in that I am no longer willing to “settle” for a job. Even in this dismal economy. Life is too short, and I want to be fulfilled and know that I’m making a difference.
P.S. – I read and love your blog! I’m horrible at commenting tho…please don’t feel discouraged. Just keep building great content (as you have been doing) and the readers will start growing exponentially!
@Chuck – I think that’s my new goal- finding a middle ground.
@Geek in Heels – Glad to hear someone else can relate! Actually, I used to read you all the time at Weddingbee. 🙂
I think we all struggle with this at times. If there was an easy solution, you’d have already come to a conclusion…
never become a stuffed suit, even if you must exist in the stuffed suits’ world. but i understand the struggle and i’ve never been able to fully bend to the corporate environment. my suggestion? (even though saying this leads you away from where you are & i’d dearly miss you). go be a creative. you should not be drowning in excel spreadsheets forever. i know several writers/copywriters that do some crazy cool stuff at some great places. we’ll talk more later…
I’ve been with the blue shirt mafia for nearly 10 years. Soul-sucking, millionaire babies whose monthly nut is twice my annual. Ten years, long time, how do I do it? Alcohol. Lot’s and lots. Seriously, you have to find the ability to get over their influence. Doing what you love is tougher than it sounds. I love raising my boys, but that doesn’t make it easy. It shouldn’t be. A writers life has to be challenged. What relevance do you have without struggle? Think about this: my office is full of characters- if I was inclined I start thinking of them in 2 dimension. Almost like cartoons, then I carry that a little further. While I would never credit any of these people with inspiration, I do draw upon them. Use them as an influence, create a well. Follow Dickens’ lead